


Puffy Eyes

by w00pss



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Light Angst, Sleepy Cuddles, soft, upset san, very light swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:01:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29969526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w00pss/pseuds/w00pss
Summary: Puffy eyes, runny nose and shaky hands.“Such a baby,” he mumbled at the mirror.Yes, there were times when San’s confidence was failing...
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Kudos: 55





	Puffy Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> It’s quite short, to be honest and there isn’t that much content, but I enjoyed writing it, so I still decided to post it. Hopefully someone will enjoy that very small OS~
> 
> When I wrote this, I had in mind the story would be completely platonic, but I didn’t really specify so you can choose whether it’s platonic or romantic (there’s only one or two times where I wrote they were best friends, but two boyfriends can also be best friends so,,,)

Puffy eyes, runny nose and shaky hands. 

“Such a baby,” he mumbled at the mirror.

An attempt to a grin made his face frown in a weird way; he just couldn't seem to smile anymore. His mask had fallen and he wished it was only for a couple of minutes —an hour at most— because he just needed to make it all seem easy. He leaned his back against the wall and let himself slide until he reached the floor. The man’s hands wiped the half-dried tears off his own face. His usually squared and strong shoulders were drooping dangerously under the weight of being himself.

His unhappiness was lingering and at this point, he could scarcely hide it. Legs hugged tightly to his chest, he let his forehead lean on his knees, eyelids shut for a moment. Just a couple of seconds.

“Sanie, we have one bathroom. Get out of there, please.”

“Coming,” his broken voice answered.

A hood drawing a deep shadow on his face, he walked up to his own bedroom. The one he shared, because there wasn't a thing which was solely to one member in this dorm. San heard the splinter of a conversation between two members —he couldn't even tell their voices apart anymore— as he entered Yunho's bedroom, which also happened to be his. He didn't greet him; who would say “hello” to someone they saw the whole day? It was unnecessary.

So he crawled in his bed, diving deep in the newly clean sheets, and closed his eyes again, for more than just a second, this time. His roommate got out and he heard the echo of some words like “zombie”, “alive” and “just saying”. The man could recreate the sentences in his mind, knowing Yunho so well. “I swear to god, San's almost a zombie. Looks like he's barely alive, just saying.”

Yunho didn’t mind comforting San by himself, or either of the members at all, in fact. However, he knew Seonghwa and Wooyoung were both better with “upset San”, as rare as it was to see him be actually upset.

San knew why Yunho “just said” that in the living room. However, he didn't know why anyone should even care about Yunho “just saying” that. Everyone was tired. Everyone needed a good rest. Everyone felt strained. 

And yet, even if his emotions weren't different from everyone's, the wooden ladder leading to his bed cracked under two feet.

“Give me some space.”

“Let me sleep.” San's voice was muffled by the pillow he was breathing in.

“I'll sit on you, then.”

“I need to get some rest, Woo'.”

“That's exactly why I'm here. Your mind is running a marathon, how do you expect to rest? Let me a little bit of space or I'll fall from your poor bunk bed.”

The older of the two shifted to the side of the mattress, either to make sure he could hide his face well, or only to please his friend, who quickly lay down. 

“What's so shameful about crying, uh?"

“I'm serious, Woo'. We don't have enough sleep hours to just talk about stupid things.”

“Alright, well let's rest together, then.”

“I'm not a zombie if it can reassure you, now go back to your room. Good night,” he said with a scowl.

“San-ah…” the dancer sighed, biting his lower lip. “Wanna tell me what's wrong?”

“Everything's wrong, _I'm_ _so_ _wrong_! And I'm getting tired of trying to figure out what's wrong every time I'm crying for the sake of explaining it to someone who, honestly, shouldn't care.”

Wooyoung's head leaned on the older's back.

“Why would you be  _ wrong _ ? It doesn't even seem to make sense,” the younger one whispered.

The bedroom door closed, probably by Hongjoong's hand, to give them both some privacy.

“Nothing I say seems to make much sense to anyone, anyway.”

“Well then you can explain it.”

“How should I explain that I'm just bad at my job, uh? Can't dance, can't sing and now, can't even smile. I even look like a zombie to Yu' who's used to see my bare face, what can I do at this point?”

“I don't think Yunho was referring to your bare face, Sanie. You just seem to have lost your energy. No, you seem to have lost yourself a little.”

“That's what I was saying, I can't even smile properly anymore, not that it ever was so amazing.”

Wooyoung lightly slapped his friends’s shoulder, disappointed by what he just heard.

“You're more than just a smile.”

“Well I don't know what I am other than  _ wrong _ in every possible way, not that it makes any sense.”

“Want me to tell you? First, you're right,” the younger one quipped with a proud grin.

“You're not funny, dumbass.”

Only the ghost of a smile stayed glued to his lips.

“Alright, alright. Do you remember when we recorded the previous album? What you told Eden, do you remember it?” Wooyoung inquired.

“Lies. That's what I said, I guess.”

“Oh, come on. Repeat it.”

“Said I finally saw improvement.”

“And...?”

“That my voice was great.”

“And what did he answer?”

“ _ You're right, liar. _ ”

"Shut up, he said he was glad you finally realized it."

Muffled conversations could be heard through the walls, even if it was quite late. San finally poked his head out of the pillow, landing his chin on his crossed forearms. He hesitated over whether he should continue talking or just give up on trying to feel better; he didn’t want to be annoying, nor rude. However, he remembered Wooyoung telling him he wanted San to stop withdrawing onto himself. So he chose the first option.

"Why are you telling me this again, Woo'? Trying to persuade my brain?"

Wooyoung kept a steady silence. With the years, he got to know when or when not to speak when one of the member was upset with himself.

“My brain doesn’t want to be persuaded anyway. I swear, I tried to gain confidence, but every time I get off the stage I just feel like the only thing I remember is messing up important steps. And I know that some parts were good, but I don’t care about what I get right. Oh, I hate being perfectionist, on  _ god _ .”

“But you’re like this and it’s okay. Don’t let yourself linger over your own mistakes, San-ah. You really have talent and you use it in the right way. Thousands of people can say the same thing.”

“They're fans, Wooyoung… Of course they're going to tell me how  _ amazing _ I am!”

“Then can you at least care to believe what your best friend has to say? Do I seem to be only a fan to you?”

Wooyoung sat and tugged on San’s arm to get him to do the same, but he didn’t, provoking a sigh from the younger one.

“What I'm saying is that you don't need to smile to be yourself. You don't need to exercise if you're too tired. You can fall hundreds of times, do thousands more errors and still be an elite dancer. One wrong note sung doesn't mean you can't be a great singer! You can be unsatisfied and still do an amazing job, that's what I'm trying to say!”

“Stop screaming.”

“Sorry.”

There was another silence, and then a loud sob ran out of San's mouth, shattering his best friend’s heart, who decided to pull his arm until he’d be seated too. He didn’t try to look at his face, knowing very well that San was quite shy about crying and showing negative emotions in general, and hugged him tightly, rocking him in the embrace.

“It's just so hard to keep seeing only errors. To keep feeling like the only thing you can do right is messing up everything... To never be satisfied... It’s not that I feel like a weight for the team, we all made it very clear that nobody was like that, but I kinda feel like a weight for myself... I mean… How can I know if I'm good when I can't even see it myself?”

“I know, San, it's hard. But you can ask others and believing them. That's the way to know if you're good.”

“What happens if they tell you you're bad?”

“Then you should first make sure they're someone you trust.”

“Shouldn't I trust myself?”

“Sometimes it's better not to, Sanie.”

The older of the two sighed, going limp in Wooyoung’s embrace, leaving his cheek to be squished by the younger’s shoulder.

“Thank you…” he mumbled.

“Can I sleep here?” Wooyoung asked.

Both of them knew very well he would stay no matter what was the answer.

“The bed’s small…”

“But I want hugs!” the younger one whined.

“Alright…”

“Let’s practice hard tomorrow. We’ll do less and less errors, okay?”

“Mmmh… Let’s do that,” San answered in a whisper, his slightly puffy eyes closing under the weight of exhaustion.

Wooyoung let his back fall against the mattress, bringing San with him. 

“Oh, no…”

“What’s wrong?” the older one slurred.

“The light’s open.”

San’s hand seeked for a plushie, and as soon as he found one, he threw it on the switch. Luckily, the light was successfully turned off as Wooyoung’s soft laugh rose in the room.

“Anything else?” San chuckled.

“Mmmh… A good night of sleep…”

Listening carefully to each other’s regular breathing, feeling the other’s pulse against theirs, they dozed off, lulled by each other’s warm arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos if you enjoyed it, it’s always encouraging! I currently have two other OS, but longer stories are to come, so please go check them out!


End file.
